Many years ago when my daughter was about 5, she picked up lying as a habit. We are so conscious at home that we avoid telling lies. But it happened that at the said time, we had many people in our home. We tried to to make her stop but to no avail. So I had just finished a class on misbehaviours and learnt that no matter how you tackle misbehaviour and never tackle the reason behind that misbehaviour you will never get a result! So I took her on a walk with me and told her a story of how I also lied to my parents when I was younger because I didn’t want to be condemned, I wanted everybody to think “I am perfect”.
She was shocked “so mum you have lied before? (obviously, I had sounded like I never did all these while)…..oh yes and that was because I didn’t want to make mistakes. ‘That’s the same reason I lie, I don’t like making mistakes! I don’t like anyone knowing that I can do something wrong’,. We talked about it and I made her understand that mistakes are learning points, and taking responsibility is key in managing your life and learning also.
So she wanted to know how I overcame that habit as a child. I learnt to take responsibility and learn from my mistakes. I shared with her how my own mother thought me that lies will mask your learnings, and give you a false sense of hope of doing it right, and you never learn and the circle continues. We went on a talk more on why and how we learn! That was the end of that habit.
This encounter didn’t only help us with just lying, it also helped us with other misbehaviour we needed to deal with at the time. Because we the parents learnt how to deal with this. I always say that discipline is teaching not punishment. I found why and solved the misbehaviour.
Until you find out the reason behind that misbehaviour, you will be chasing shadows. Recently someone shared with me how he was battling with his teen son and didn’t know what to do. I asked him to share his own mistakes as a young man, his regrets and how he could have avoided having such error in life. He did, and the result he got was amazing.
However all these will depend on your child’s learning style, temperate and all etc. Dear parents, You are not infallible!!!!, Many times parents say I have used the verbal correction yet, my children won’t listen. The question is how do you use this tool? Most times parents come from the place of perfection. Disciplinary tools and strategies must be learnt to do it right, I shared 10 tools in my bestseller book “The Discipline that works”. I remember those days, when I talk to my daughter, I will often say “we don’t lie here, where did you pick up lying, in a very furious way”. That was me saying hey “I am perfect and infallible and you must be perfect too”. So I was teaching her that human beings are not supposed to make mistakes without even knowing that. In my bestseller connect to correct I shared on reasons behind misbehaviour, you should read more on that.
If your disciplinary strategy is not teaching a child, it’s a failed strategy, change it today! The challenge usually is ; Do we know how our children learn? Our course on “Understanding your child’s Learning Style” touches on this, ….Class details here: https://theintentionalparentacademy.com/courses/understanding-your-childs-learning-style/
Learn to parent, don’t assume it.