Are there principles that work in parenting? Many have argued that there are no rules or principles but parenting is about doing what works for you or what you know. Little wonder we have the result of ineffective parenting all around us. Think about it, whatever works has guiding principles and values or rules that make them work. Without those principles, all we do is work with the probability of maybe or maybe not, if or if not.
Principles work in parenting but the question is, “do we know them? Are you applying those principles? There are lots of principles and practices that can be applied to raise children who thrive but I have listed a few of them to help us navigate through our parenting journey.
- Principle of Safe System: Safety tops the chart when it comes to the principles of parenting a child that thrives. When it comes
to the safety of a child, parents look at the physical aspect of it. What comes to mind is, “I need to protect my child from people talking down at them or bullying them.” Safety goes beyond that mindset. It entails other aspects that make up a system that makes the child thrive. Safety for a child comprises of:
A. Predictability- Unpredictability is an enemy of intentional parenting. When you create an unpredictable system, you create an unsafe environment for your child. To create a predictable system, you have to put together a system that your child has and work with routines and structure.
B. Support– It is all about encouraging and supporting your child in what they have a flair for.
C. Discipline– Discipline is core to achieving safety for your child. Your child can’t be safe in a system that does not entail discipline. Discipline is structure and routines. It is not about being aggressive, hitting, or yelling at your child.
D. Mistakes– Mistake is a proof that your child is learning. Mistakes are opportunities for your child to learn. Your child should be able to make mistakes to feel safe. A child who is afraid of making mistakes in a home isn’t safe and can not learn.
E. Failures– No one succeeds without failing multiple times. The fear of failure is one of the major reasons why many shy away from being creative in this part of the world. If your child can not fail within the confines of the environment you have created, you’ll fail to help your child. It is safe for your children to fail at home, and learn from their failures before launching out into the real world.
F. Opportunities– You must create an environment in your home that give opportunities for your children to learn. Do not confine them to the “perfect world” you have created for them to live in.
- Principle of Values And Not Rules: A home with sets of values instead of rules helps the children own the process. Values are game changers in parenting. When you set rules, you limit your child and give them a fixed mindset. When you set values, you give them a limitless mindset.
- Principle of Responsibility: If your child isn’t taking responsibility, it means someone else is taking it for them. It means that you are not only absolving them of work but also absolving them of the ability to learn the work and understand the process. It makes them understand that the work has to be done and that we all have to be part of the puzzle to get the work done. A Harvard study shows that children who do chores strive better in the work environment than their contemporaries when they become young adults. In one of my best-selling books, “Raising An Independent Thinking Child”, I stated that you should never do for your child what he can do by himself. A dependent child is a demanding child. A demanding child will weary you forever. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them responsibilities.
- Principle of Honor And Not Obedience: I won’t say much on this point because only parents in the Inner circle that follow a process will understand better. Honor is a knowledge that ranks higher than obedience. When your children obey you always, you are raising zombies and that’s where honor comes in. The principle of honor and not obedience teaches you to raise a child who
will think for themselves and not a child that will obey every word you say. It is vital because you are not infallible as a parent. The infallibility narrative is a false narrative. When you teach honor over obedience, you raise the bar for your children-this means that your children understand your place and can think for themselves.
- Principle of Mentorship: In a session with the level 2 parents in the inner circle, I talked to them about parenting partners. Many times, we do not understand that our children need a system. You can not parent all by yourself. You need people who understand the process that is introduced in your children’s lives because a time will come when your children won’t tell you everything. Introduce models who are you because, at some point in their lives, they will start to discover who they are especially in their teenage years.
- Principle of Knowledge And Learning: Parents who raise successful children learn, research, and understand child development and growth. When you parent by probability ( doing what works for you) and lack knowledge, you set your children up for failure. The reason is that every child is unique and different. You help each child with their uniqueness. Assumption stems up due to a lack of knowledge. Your children are products of your knowledge- how they were raised, the environment they were raised in, and what the person who raised them knows.
- Principle of Intentional Parenting: Intentional parenting is not about raising perfect children but about raising children through a process and structure. Intentional parents are ready to admit their child’s flaws and help them overcome them instead of projecting perfection. No one course, class,
webinar or workshop can get you through your parenting journey but a system/process to which you commit yourself and the system in turn, hold you accountable.
- Principle of Connection, Communication, and Conversation: This is a principle of being able to create a relationship with your children. Relationship trumps control in parenting. When you enforce control, you can’t influence your children and you will lose authority. Authority isn’t force or control but trust and respect.
Parenting is a journey that has no end but a process. Doing “what works for you” is simply setting your child up for failure. Truth is inaction itself. It is a rule for people who will fail at a thing. Having the mindset of not guiding your children and believing that they will learn on their own is inaction and parenting on probability.
Many believe that we don’t teach discipline in the Inner Circle because we don’t preach hitting the child or yelling as forms of discipline. As I said earlier, discipline is structure and routine and that is what we help parents in the Inner circle accomplish by creating systems, family values, visions, and missions so that your children can internalize what you are teaching. We help create tools for parents to connect, communicate and converse with their children.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INNER CIRCLE
WHAT IS THE INNER CIRCLE ABOUT?
Parenting today has gone beyond, intuition, experience, and opinion, it’s now about evidence. Knowing with exactitude the outcome of your journey. And that is what we provide at the academy.
Parenting is about the process, not just Tips and Hacks!! Do you want to build a strong value system and form a foundation so strong to destroy? Do you want to understand why your children act the way they do and help them become better?
⚫️Imagine building a parenting plan and following through in the year with accountability system provided?
⚫️Imagine having direct access to Coach Wendy Ologe throughout the year; Access to coach worth over #1M $2,000
⚫️Imagine having access to webinars worth #100,000 ($200) every month?
You don’t want to keep imagining .These and many more are the benefits of being in the Inner circle.We worked with over 1,000 parents in 2022 and we currently have over 2,500 New parents enrolled for 2023.
The annual subscription fee for the program is N70, 000. Fee will be reviewed to 100,000/annum soon but if you book now it won’t affect you.
You book a slot at the enquiry desk with a non-refundable fee of N5,000 for 2023 cohort, and pay your annual fee of N65,000 which you can decide to pay at once N70,000
Simply book by using this link https://selar.co/tipinnercircle or make direct payment to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy, then send a chat with proof of payment to 08129687040.
At our upcoming course “UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDS LEARNING STYLE “ we will show you how you can eliminate these screams at assignment times and teach your child study skills by understanding how they learn better. We will also show you how you can get to know how you learn better.
We have almost 1,000 participants registered for this course both parents and teachers we have the second early bird offer ending in 3 days… If you are a sucker for learning, Dont misses out on this course to learn how to raise lifelong learners not just people who pass exams.
Are you in?
Register for the Learning Style Course and take advantage of the early bird offer here: https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay #15,500 instead of 20,000 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.
Offer valid only in 72 hours.