Discipline is a common challenge faced by many parents and often stems from our past experiences as children while growing up. The traditional notion of discipline is often associated with being aggressive and confrontational with children. However, many parents who claim to be strict and not tolerate misbehavior from their children still struggle in their parenting journey. This is because they have misinterpreted what discipline truly means and instead have substituted it with inappropriate methods, such as physical punishment.
When asked to describe our parents, many of us may describe them as disciplinarians because they used corporal punishment as a form of correction. However, this is a flawed understanding of what discipline should entail.
Many children today are lacking discipline, and this is not due to a lack of punishment or yelling, but rather a lack of understanding about what discipline actually entails. Raising disciplined children requires a proactive approach, rather than just waiting for a miracle or relying on frustration. To achieve this goal, it’s important to:
i. Gain a deeper understanding of the concept of discipline
ii. Apply this knowledge in practical ways
iii. Take active steps towards implementing your understanding in your parenting.
Regrettably, many of us as parents struggle with discipline in our own lives. We may have trouble managing our time, following through on commitments, or making decisions based on our rational thoughts instead of our emotions. I recently shared this insight with a group of parents on the topic of self-discipline. If you find yourself unable to control your emotions, it could indicate a lack of discipline in your life. Discipline is about having a plan in place to reach your goals, and this involves acquiring knowledge and skills. It requires the ability to complete what you start, to separate your thoughts from your feelings, and to make decisions that align with your priorities, even if it means sacrificing comfort.
It’s important to recognize that discipline is not a problem for children, but rather a challenge for parents. An undisciplined parent cannot expect to raise a disciplined child.
As a parent, it is important to establish clear structures and routines, and to effectively manage your time. In many our African clime , the typical approach is to wait for a child to make mistakes before “disciplining” them. However, this approach does not help the child build the skills they need to succeed. For example, if a child is struggling with a task and chooses to do it their own way, despite being advised otherwise, it is not effective to simply wait for them to fail and then punish them. Instead, it is important to use this as an opportunity to teach the child and help them build skills that will allow them to thrive. Punishing a child for making mistakes, such as through hitting, kicking, or yelling, does not help them learn and grow. Instead, it is more productive to use the failure as a tool for learning and skill-building.
So, let’s examine the traits and skills of highly disciplined parents.
- Commitment: Commitment is not just a choice, but a skill that is developed over time. Highly disciplined parents are committed to their tasks and don’t give up easily, even when the process is challenging. They also don’t bail out their children when they have committed to something.
- Finishing What They Start: Highly disciplined parents have a belief that giving up is not an option. They stay committed to difficult projects until the end and do not let failure define them. Instead, they see failure as an experience that can be used as a tool for learning and growth.
3.Positive Sensory Orientation: Highly disciplined parents have a positive outlook and focus on the positive aspects of every experience they encounter. They avoid succumbing to negative emotions and remain motivated to succeed.
- Do Not Get Fluttered. Highly disciplined parents are not led by their moods but by their minds. For you to learn how to play by your mind, you should be able to work on your emotions. Be able to define and label your emotions, and know how to work on them.
- Set Boundaries. They know where to draw the lines/set boundaries. They know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. They are not flippant with words.
- Highly Independent. These set of parents raise independent children and what sets up independent children is raising responsible children.
- Eager to Learn. Highly disciplined parents see themselves as evolving. They are always interested in ensuring that they learn new things, and they believe in reaching their goals and also believe that there is no one way to reach those goals. Their eyes are on the goal and that’s why I always say that an intentional parent follows a goal while an unintentional parent follows the crowd.
- Strengths of Their Imaginations. They use their imaginations a lot and it’s a strong factor for them. They build the ability to create ideas in their minds and start working on them. They are self-disciplined and it is essential when it comes to emotional intelligence. Without self-discipline, you can’t achieve anything.
- Plan and Organize. Highly disciplined parents don’t take or live the day as they come. They plan and work with a manual and principles that they follow. They look at what it is that they are about to do and why they ought to do it.
- They Don’t Worry About Time. Their time is always structured so they know what to do with their time because they are organized. They change the tide of time to suit their plan.
To become a highly disciplined parent and raise a well-disciplined child, what steps should you take?
i. Teach Your Children to Become Responsible. At the core of the discipline is responsibility. Children need the discipline to thrive and to thrive with discipline, they need responsibility. There is age-appropriate responsibility even for a one-year-old. What molds and makes children are habits and skills that transform. When you don’t help them inculcate those habits. You are raising an irresponsible person. You have to increase their responsibility quotient by teaching them how to respond to issues and you achieve that by modeling and not yelling or hitting.
ii. Emotions Control. Your children need to know and understand how to react to life outside of their emotions. They should know how to identify their emotions and put a check on them. Let them understand that bottling up their emotions isn’t the same as managing their emotions. Teach them how to express those emotions.
iii. Commitment and Consistency. Educate your children on how to be committed and consistent, and not give up even when things are tough. If you don’t teach them how to be consistent, they’ll grow up to be unstable.
iv. Equip Them with Skills. There are skills your children need to have in order to thrive in life. You can read about them in my previous posts. You don’t have to wait for them to make mistakes before you teach. As a parent, you have to be proactive and figure out how to teach your child what to do at the right time. teach them to focus on what they’ve started and finished up.
Discipline plays a critical role in parenting and is essential for success. It involves using the right skills and knowledge to achieve your objectives. Intelligence or talent may not be necessary for success, but discipline is. To be successful, it’s important to understand how discipline works and how to implement it effectively. Quick fixes, like physical punishment or yelling, are not effective solutions and will not produce the desired outcomes. Instead, it is crucial to raise children who are guided by their mind and not their emotions, and this starts with you as a parent. To be an effective and emotionally intelligent parent, it is necessary to have the right tools and knowledge.
The Becoming an Emotional Intelligent Parent course is a great opportunity for anyone, regardless of their profession or background, to learn how to master their emotions and discipline. The course will take place on February 15th, 2023, and promises to be an enriching and transformative experience. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to grow and become a better parent.
Register for the Emotional Intelligence Course here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent or pay #18,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy.
Send proof of payment to 09036633600.