When we talk about impact, I realize that several people do not understand what impact is about, when parents talk about the parenting goals they say things like I just want to raise a good, obedient child. Even though there is nothing wrong with raising a good child, there is everything wrong with raising a good child who cannot thrive.
One of the things I have seen is that we do not understand the difference between raising children who are obedient and raising children who can make an impact. You can raise a child who is obedient but foolish, I am going to take a cue from the conversation in the bible that talks about the foolish virgins, when people talk about the foolish virgins, they talk about it from the light of, that the foolishness of the virgins came from not knowing what to do but on the other hand I think it’s actually not that, the story of the 10 virgins is a typical example of being obedient, yet unskilled.
A few months ago we read a book by Malcolm Gladwell called the Outliers, this is a book we reviewed in the Inner circle program, it was talking about the “Whatelses” Your child is smart, brilliant, obedient but what else do they bring to the table? The Whatelses are things that made the difference. The environment is a key factor in how you raise your children. During the just-concluded healing Course, Isaac Onoja one of my co-facilitators said that 80% of who we become is linked to the environment and that environment includes who raised you.” Who raised you is a determining factor to who you become”, the environment, the era and the culture of where you were raised.
What Are The Determining Factors Of Raising Children That Can Change Their World?
Some factors will determine if this child is headed towards making an impact.
- The Matthew Effect: The Matthew Effect is a key determining factor in how your child will make an impact. The Matthew Effect was adapted from the book of Matthew 25 vs 29: For every one that hath shall be given and he shall have abundance: but from him, that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. Opportunities not fully utilized can never be gotten, making an impact will go beyond personality, how intelligent your child is, lifestyle, inborn talents, etc. it is about the development and grooming.
No matter how great the seed is, if it is not nurtured and given the attention it will not blossom. That is why the bible talks that time and chance happen to them all, time is the preparation, and chance is the opportunity. The reason why people who have to keep getting is because success is not only attributed to merit, it is the ingredient in the success that makes for success. So you need to ask yourself if you are fully utilizing the opportunities that you have.
- Skills: Acquiring skills gives you influence and elevates you because you worked to develop yourself and you are seen because the system rewards you. You want to raise an impactful child and yet the child has zero skills. Impact people are people who give value to their world, the simple definition of impact is value.
You cannot become more, without being skilled. If your child cannot offer anything good to the world, they cannot make an impact. The world is looking for value, what your child can offer. The question you need to ask yourself today is, What can my child offer? Going back to the story of the 10 virgins, the wise virgins were called wise because they were more skilled, they remembered the extras, the foolish virgins were prepared like the wise virgins, in fact, if there was no eventuality they would have been among the wise ones. They were called foolish because they lacked the “Whatelses” or the extras. When you are raising your children, what will make you raise impactful children are the Whatelses.In the bible, everyone who was great has the extras. David, Samson, Joseph, etc
- Hardwork: Smart work involves taking your time to understand the problem, to get an efficient strategy, to get a workable execution plan, and trust me this takes time. Smart work is about efficiency not lazing around. Smart work is not easy work, you need to stop hiding your children from adversity. There is no impactful person that I have read in my life, that is not a hard worker. If you miss the part of raising children who are not smart workers you will raise a foolish child.
Hard work is never ancient, it remains valid. Successful people work hard, there is nobody you see flying high that does not work hard. It also takes hard-working to sustain impact.
- Accumulative Advantage(The 10-hour Rule): Research has proven over and again that how to achieve success is if you put in the 10,000-hour rule. This says that you can become a genius, you can become an impact maker, or an expert if you put in 10,000 hours on a task or a field of expertise, this 10,000 hour equals to 10 years of accumulative Advantage and diligence. It is required to practice the 10,000 hour rule to achieve any level of mastery associated with being an expert in anything that you do.It takes the brain that number of hours to master any skill. This has been proven over and over again. Practice is not what you do once you are good , practice is what you do over and over again that makes you good~ Malcolm Gladwell
Here is the downside of this 10,000 hour rule, the time is so long that it is practically impossible for you to reach that number by yourself by the time you are a young adult, it is totally impossible. You must have parents who understand this and support you and it has to be intentional and structured. Have you ever wondered why our athletes are not at their peak,they are not exceptional? It is because they didn’t get to complete the 10,000 hour practice rule,they didn’t get to complete it before starting to play at that level. You cannot compete with a child who started gymnastics at the age of 4 with another child who starts at the age of 17,the 10000 hour rule will count against you and this is what happens in Africa we are raising children who do not have mastery.
Part of what we do in the inner circle is to create structures that give your children mastery on a daily basis, if you do not follow structure your children cannot achieve it,they cannot reach the 10 hour rule because it takes a lot of structure for your children to be able to achieve this and their is no impact without mastery.
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If you see anyone who is able to deliver ,go and ask them the 10000 rule has applied in their favour. There is a how to every success in life ,especially parenting success.You must have what it is you are giving,what truly distinguishes the history of great men is not the extraordinary talent they have but the extra ordinary opportunities they utilise wisely.
5.The Parenting Advantage: Who raised you will be a determining factor of what you become , there are opportunities that will never come to you because of who raised you.The access to knowledge you have as a parent will be directly proportional to the kind of impact that your child will make. There are a lot of people who have been raised with parenting advantage , Chimamanda Adichie is one of them, she has an advantage.
Parenting is war, the success of you children is dependent on how much war you have fought for them, that’s their footing , that will be the platform they start from. There are ingredients for success, the fact that your child is smart and talented doesn’t make for success, it is about grooming and development. No matter how good the seed is, if you don’t pay attention to nurture that seed it will not blossom. There must be something you know, that sets your children apart.
Fathers Play one of the most important roles in their families unfortunately we are having more fathers absent either by being physically absent or lack of involvement.
Research has found that the problem of absent fathers leads to higher divorce rates, destructive and negative changes in family structures, behavior problems in children, violence among teens, and moral decadence.
However, over the years of working with parents, I have personally found like many other researchers that fathers are absent due to their own lost sense of identity and lack of clarity regarding their role as fathers meanwhile their role on being the major influence on their children’s destiny leaves a vacuum.
Unfortunately also the modern culture is playing down on the fact that DADDY IS DESTINY yet research proves over and again that families with strong fatherhood systems fair better always. Don’t be lied to, Every child needs a father figure in his life to thrive not just survive. I believe that no child should be made to go through an upbringing without having a father figure support him or her because their destiny is dependent on it.
We understand these gaps, and that is why In the past 3 years we have consistently created a narrative to equip more fathers to do better and also celebrate fathers to understand their roles.
TIP FATHERS CONFERENCE 2020 is coming with a difference. We have lined up fathers who are in the industry of fatherhood to teach other fathers and celebrate them as well. We won’t continue assuming that we know what to do, we have chosen to intentionally teach it.
No man should miss this conference.The Intentional The Intentional Parent Academy and their partners have paid in full for this, so access is FREE for you.
Use Link To Register and tag every man you know . See all details on Flier. https://bit.ly/TIPfathersconference2022
Remember the next generations destiny is dependent on the Fathers .join us and spread this message.