In a recent live session that I shared on my Facebook timeline, someone commented that sometimes children cry for no reason, and I responded that a child can’t cry for no reason.
There are different reasons why children cry, before I state those reasons, these are four primary emotions that we all share as humans.
Crying can be associated with the emotions listed above.
Crying is a primary means of communication when you are constantly agitated. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says 2 to 3 hours of crying a day in the first 3 months of life is considered normal.As a Child gets older, they learn other effective ways to communicate and then crying minimizes. But crying remains an effective way for them to communicate.
To help decipher your child’s reason for crying, consider these age-appropriate reasons…
Toddler (1–3 years): Emotions and tantrums tend to rule at this age, and they’re likely triggered by being tired, frustrated, embarrassed, or confused.
Preschool (4–5 years): Hurt feelings or injury are often to blame.
School-age (5+ years): Physical injury or loss of something special are key triggers for crying in this age group.
When you beat your Child for crying, you shut down your child’s emotional competence.
7 Reasons Why Children Cry
1. They’re hungry
If you’re approaching mealtime and your Child gets cranky, starts to fuss, hunger is the first thing to consider.This happens especially to babies.
2. They’re feeling pain or discomfort
Pain and discomfort that you can’t see are often reasons your kid may be crying. Stomach aches, tooth ache, and ear ached are examples to consider when your child is crying.This can also happen to older children who have not been taught to regulate their emotions.
3. They’re tired
Whether it’s the meltdown or tantrum, kids of all ages can find themselves in a puddle of tears if they are overly tired.
4. They’re overstimulated
Overstimulation is a trigger for kids of all ages. In infants and preschool-age kids, too much noise, visual effects, or people can cause crying. You may notice your child looking around or trying to take shelter behind your leg or in a corner before they start crying.
5. They’re stressed or frustrated
Stress and frustration can look different depending on the situation. Maybe your little one wants something that you won’t give them, like your phone, or they’re frustrated because their toy isn’t working the way they’d like.
6. They need attention
Children can give negative reactions for your attention. Sometimes kids just need our attention, and they can’t or don’t know how to ask for it. If you’ve ruled out all other causes of crying, such as hunger, fatigue, overstimulation, and frustration, it might be time to ask yourself if they just need some time with you.
7. They’re feeling separation anxiety
Separation anxiety can happen at any point in your child’s life, many times when toddlers are being separated they can get anxious.
What to do when your child is crying.
1. Don’t Distract Them:
When you distract your child when they are crying, you miss the chance for them to connect and learn emotions regulation skills.
2. Don’t Punish
When your child is crying, do not
punish, shame, judge, threaten, discipline, or preach. An upset child is not a listening Child.
3. Do Not Ask Them to Stop Crying
When you ask your Child to stop crying, you send a message that their feelings and emotions are not important or valid.
4. Do Not Ask Them Too Many Questions
When your child is full of overwhelming feelings, they do not have the ability to provide answers to your questions. Keep your questions for later.
5. No Buts
When empathizing with your Child, NO BUT’S. Even if your corrections are valid, but at that time all your child needs is empathy. When you say but….. you explain away your Child’s feelings.
How Can You Get Your Kid To Stop Crying?
Understanding the reason for crying is always a good first step. “Trying to address the reason — if you can determine what the reason is — and if you think the reason needs to be addressed, is often an efficient way to make the crying stop, which is the goal of many parents,” says Woods.
Once you know the reason for the tears, you can help your child identify, understand, and manage the emotion behind the expression. But before you can do this, it’s important to check your own emotional temperature.
Make sure you’re calm
If you’re running hot, it might be time to step away, take a deep breath, and collect yourself before you address your child — especially if the crying is too much for you.
If your children are older, it’s still perfectly OK to take a time-out for both you and them, by sending them to their room or stepping outside for a moment while they’re in a safe place in the home.
Pay attention to your words
After checking your emotional temperature, the next step is to avoid making blanket statements or judging their behavior. Saying things like “only babies cry” or “stop crying” is not going to help them calm down, and it may make the situation worse.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS THE ANSWER.
A Parent approached me for a coaching session on an issue that looked “unsolvable”. She has been battling with a behaviour her child picked up about 6 years ago. She said she had tried everything she knows, Including “Beating, punishing, shouting etc. all to no avail.
She wanted me to just give her a magic solution on “what she will tell the child and it just stops”
My first line of response to her was “Getting this problem solved is about you not your child, My job is to show you how!!
You have done all you know, sometimes all you know is not enough.
I suggested to her that we go through an Emotional Intelligence Coaching session.
At first she was reluctant. , my response was not good enough😃. She said to me “this is not what I need, I just need my child to stop this behaviour, I am lossing it.”
My response to her was simple……
You are not yet in the right frame of mind to tackle this issue. You will keep lossing it because you don’t have control of your emotions. You need someone to show you how. Someone who has worn your shoes before💃
What you daughter needs now is a “listener”, a “non-judger”, Someone who will acknowledge her current state, and begin to influence her not “force her”/bully her.
Eventually I was able to convince her to go through the coaching session on “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” .
After the 3days coaching session. Her reviews brought tears to me eyes
She said “Wendy you were sent to me” You don’t know what you have done , I owe you, I can’t pay you enough, more parents need it; We need knowlegde”.
If you find yourself battling with a bad behaviour from your child and you are thinking that using force /coporal punishment will help…….
I am here to burst your bubble 😛😛😛
IT WILL NEVER HELP.
All you will do is to end up raising a “Hypocrite”, Who will pretend and do your bidding when you are there, and continue what he/she wants when you are not there.
Many times it takes you! not the child.
Stop bullying your child, learn the skill to help you parent without bullying and aggression
Emotional Intelligence skills put you as a master/influencer over your child, not a major general .
Today we launched our first course for the Year “Becoming an emotionally intelligent Parent Self Paced Course. To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 instead of #20,500 to: 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.
You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent (link in bio)
Parenting is a learnt skill, Never forget that.