Help! I Want To Stop Flogging My Child

In my years as a parent coach, I often receive similar questions from various parents, such as:
“Can I parent my child without flogging?”. “Won’t they become irresponsible without flogging?”.
” Can I parent without flogging my child and still have a well-behaved child?”.
“Are there more ways to discipline a child without being aggressive?”.
Some parents believe that once they flog their children, they’ll learn or take corrections. When you flog your child as a form of discipline, the child either becomes defiant or the child takes on the form of pretense/deception, i.e. repeating the same action behind you, and that is when what we call the 4Rs of negative discipline stems up ( Rebel, Resent, Retreat, and Revenge).

“In my book, “Connect to Correct,” I explore the consequences of incorrect discipline on children, which can lead to the 4Rs of negative discipline: revenge, retreat, rebel, or resentment. When a child experiences revenge, they may feel encouraged to repeat negative behaviors. In the case of physical punishment, such as flogging, the child may even display signs of rebellion and fight back. This is not due to possession by evil spirits, but rather a result of negative discipline methods.

Additionally, a child may retreat, causing a decrease in their self-esteem. They may become withdrawn in social situations or the classroom, unwilling to participate or speak up even when they know the answer.

Before discussing the reasons behind and effective solutions for discipline, it’s important to understand what discipline truly entails. To do this, ask yourself: Does hitting your child lead to desired changes? Does it result in different behavior? Do you find yourself repeating physical punishment frequently? Answering these questions can help provide a deeper understanding of discipline.
DISCIPLINE is structure. Without structure, there’s no discipline. The structure is put in place by the parent so if there’s none, you’ll be frustrated. Discipline is a parent-based problem and not a child-based problem. When there is a structure in your home, the children follow through and align.


It has been proven scientifically that flogging comes with a dose of anger. A lot of parents resort to flogging due to:

  1. Childhood Trauma And Experiences. A lot of our parents were raised to survive and not to fulfill. They lacked stress management skills because all they knew how to do was to survive. Building skills like stress management and emotional regulation weren’t paramount to them and that’s why they lashed out, talked down, or flogged you at every opportunity and now you do the same to your children. They are not parenting strategies but trauma imprints that you are replicating.
  2. Lack of Knowledge. Ignorance is one of the most terrible things that can happen to you. You flog your child because you don’t know what to do and when you find yourself in that situation, you get confused and lash out.
  3. Lack of Emotional Control. It simply means being irresponsible with your emotions. So anytime your emotions get the better part of you, you dump them on your children. Some parents go to the extent of bragging about how they are not able to manage their emotions and they make statements like, ” That is how I am. I get angry quickly and my children know.”
  4. Lack of Parenting Skills. Parents that use aggression as a substitute lack appropriate parenting skills. You are clueless about how to go about it.
    Hitting a child is a terrible thing. If you think that it’s a form of correction, why do you feel guilty after hitting your child? Whenever you feel guilty after hitting your child, then there’s something wrong with it.
    Why the guilt?
    ❗ You are confused because you are not emotionally intelligent to know what to do.
    ❗It releases what you felt as a child (trauma imprint) even after you’ve promised yourself not to be like your parents.
    ❗It brings out your frustration and lack of knowledge because you know that you aren’t equipped with the right tools. What to do is never constant. Parenting styles change as your child grows and that’s why seeking knowledge is a prerequisite. It entails continuous seeking of knowledge.
    ❗Lack of appropriate communication skills. You become aggressive when you lose language. Hitting, attacking, and throwing tantrums mean that you don’t know how to communicate. As a parent, there are things you can do asides from flogging and still get results.

1 . Work On Your Emotions. Your emotions are the engine rooms of your being. You have to be in control of your emotions and manage them well. If your emotions are not in check, you can’t practice effective discipline. How do you begin to work on your emotions? You can start by signing up for the upcoming “Becoming an Emotional Intelligent Parent course”. It will save your life. It will equally help you understand people better and connect with them.

2 . Learn The Discipline That Works. Seek knowledge and gain insight into other ways you can discipline your child. You can start by getting a copy of my book, “Discipline that works”. It is available on Amazon, and we also have distributors in Lagos and other cities.

3 . Join An Accountability Group. Getting yourself into a system or academy that holds you accountable should be on your priority list as a parent. There is collective intelligence in such a system. The truth is that you can’t go on the parenting journey all by yourself, you’ll get weary, and when that happens, you join the crowd of “do what works for you”

4 . Learn Communication Skills. Communication skill is vital in parenting. It is one of the skills we teach in the inner circle. We’ll have a course in communication and it is the first time of having the session in the inner circle program. It is called ‘Resolving Family Problems Through Effective Communication’.

5 . Structured Parenting. Nurture and structure are the two most important parts of your journey. Parenting, void of structure creates room for chaos. Create a structure then you nurture.

I firmly believe that parenting is a reflection of our own behavior and values. Children are constantly observing and learning from their parents. The Intentional Parent Academy (Inner Circle) helps identify and fill any missing pieces in parenting.

It’s essential to strive for conflict-free parenting and not normalize fighting and disagreements. Relationships can be strengthened without the presence of fights and arguments.

Have you registered for Becoming Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course ?Over 1,000 Parents are now on Board 🔥🔥😁. Take advantage of transformational experience

Register for the Emotional Intelligence Course here or pay 18,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.