AM I BULLYING MY CHILD?

It’s interesting to think that people think that bullying only happens at school but that is not true, bullying happened even at home. Children can face humiliation and behavioural manipulation from their parents, these things happen.


WHAT IS BULLYING?
Bullying is an ongoing deliberate misuse of power in a relationship through repeated verbal, physical and emotional behaviour that can cause physical, social, emotional or psychological harm.Bullying Parents mostly have the following behaviour, research has shown that bully parents exhibit these behavior. Children who are bully’s have parents who bully. When a Child is bullied at home they become become bullies themselves or become the bullied person, they begin to accept bullying as the norm because that is what they are used to.


CHARACTERISTICS OF BULLY PARENTS:
1. They are often very harsh, their parental discipline are always in the extreme.
2. They are highly competitive
3. Some bully parents are permissive
4. They are not empathic.

  1. PHYSICAL BULLYING: When a parent pounces on a Child physically, they pass across the lesson that it is acceptable to pounce on another person or resolve a problem aggressively. It will be difficult for a Child to love a parent who is always bullying them.
  2. VERBAL BULLYING: Verbally aggressive adults are always yelling, embarrassing and harassing and this impacts on a Child’s self-esteem Over the last weekend I saw a movie on Netflix called ” THIS LADY CALLED LIFE , it was a direct reflection of what I keep saying about childhood trauma and how if we never heal of it it messes up our parenting Journey .It’s a movie I would recommend every parent should see. A woman who was abused as a young child ends up abusing her own child in same pattern.Truly we are wired to repeat , without an conscious effort of doing things right we would repeat the things that were done to you over and again . Then this child who was being abused started to hate herself . Again it proves that Abused people don’t hate their abusers , they hate themselves. In fact that movie reflected everything I have been sharing for a while now about childhood trauma and bullying.
  3. ACCIDENTAL BULLYING: This type of bullying is very disturbing, this bullying is not deliberate but can be damaging. Most often parents say sensitive things about their Children without knowing how damaging those words are. All these seeming cute pet names can create a thin line between comparison and focusing on a Child’s sensitive areas. Words like ” Read so you can become like your brother” ” Can’t you be well behaved like your brother” Comparison is the other reason why siblings rivalry exists.
  4. THE OVERPROTECTIVE PARENT: These parents are also called helicopter parents because they are consistently hovering around their parents , through being over protective this can become bullies. Being an Overprotective parent can cause your Child to be overly dependent, excessively fragile or highly resentful. When you are a helicopter parent you constantly over step your boundaries without knowing it.

    • You cannot punish your Child into good behavior, the key is to give your Children the consequences that work, consequences is what motivates your Child to good behavior rather than punishment. In my book ” The Discipline That Works” I explained the difference between punishment and discipline. Discipline impacts the thinking brain while punishment impacts the emotional brain, when you punish a Child they are at the array of emotions but when you give disciplined you cause your Child to think. Any punishment that does not make your Child think is a failed strategy. Consequences help your Children gain control and it teaches them how to solve problems and the life skills that are needed.

      Many Parents bully their Children out of fear, even though these fear are valid, you can actually destroy your Child instead of building them up. We always fall into the temptation if bullying, aggression and power tussle when we parent out of fear.

      WHAT CAUSES PARENTAL BULLYING.
      1. Childhood Trauma and it’s effects
      2. Entitlement
      3. Hyper Competitive Parenting.
    • TYPES OF BULLYING
  • PHYSICAL BULLYING: When a parent pounces on a Child physically, they pass across the lesson that it is acceptable to pounce on another person or resolve a problem aggressively. It will be difficult for a Child to love a parent who is always bullying them.
  • VERBAL BULLYING: Verbally aggressive adults are always yelling, embarrassing and harassing and this impacts on a Child’s self-esteem Over the last weekend I saw a movie on Netflix called ” THIS LADY CALLED LIFE , it was a direct reflection of what I keep saying about childhood trauma and how if we never heal of it it messes up our parenting Journey .It’s a movie I would recommend every parent should see. A woman who was abused as a young child ends up abusing her own child in same pattern.Truly we are wired to repeat , without an conscious effort of doing things right we would repeat the things that were done to you over and again . Then this child who was being abused started to hate herself . Again it proves that Abused people don’t hate their abusers , they hate themselves. In fact that movie reflected everything I have been sharing for a while now about childhood trauma and bullying.
  • ACCIDENTAL BULLYING: This type of bullying is very disturbing, this bullying is not deliberate but can be damaging. Most often parents say sensitive things about their Children without knowing how damaging those words are. All these seeming cute pet names can create a thin line between comparison and focusing on a Child’s sensitive areas. Words like ” Read so you can become like your brother” ” Can’t you be well behaved like your brother” Comparison is the other reason why siblings rivalry exists.
  • THE OVERPROTECTIVE PARENT: These parents are also called helicopter parents because they are consistently hovering around their parents , through being over protective this can become bullies. Being an Overprotective parent can cause your Child to be overly dependent, excessively fragile or highly resentful. When you are a helicopter parent you constantly over step your boundaries without knowing it.You cannot punish your Child into good behavior, the key is to give your Children the consequences that work, consequences is what motivates your Child to good behavior rather than punishment. In my book ” The Discipline That Works” I explained the difference between punishment and discipline. Discipline impacts the thinking brain while punishment impacts the emotional brain, when you punish a Child they are at the array of emotions but when you give disciplined you cause your Child to think. Any punishment that does not make your Child think is a failed strategy. Consequences help your Children gain control and it teaches them how to solve problems and the life skills that are needed.
  • Many Parents bully their Children out of fear, even though these fear are valid, you can actually destroy your Child instead of building them up. We always fall into the temptation if bullying, aggression and power tussle when we parent out of fear.
    • WHAT CAUSES PARENTAL BULLYING.
      1. Childhood Trauma and it’s effects
      2. Entitlement
      3. Hyper Competitive Parenting.


      HOW DO I PREVENT BULLYING?

      Last week we had a session on Strategies to help your child against bullying. Many parents asked that we create a tool kit to help them teach their children what to do exactly. We have gone ahead to create this Tool Kit for you.You don’t need to wait until your child get bullied, this tool kit will help you build and prepare your child to prevent bullying from happening to them or even them becoming the bully.
      Remember, not every child gets bullied or becomes the bully but some still fall in between ;The bystander which is still not okay,you can build your child to not only prevent bullying but also because an upstander for another person.

      Get a copy here : https://selar.co/Bullytoolkit

      To get the BULLYING TOOLKIT,

      Pay #1000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank).

The Intentional Parent Academy. And send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.
Or use this link https://selar.co/Bullytoolkit (Accept all currencies) for online payment. This offer last for 24 hours. The price will revert to #2,000 at the expiration of 24 hours from today.


You can join our upcoming Course: “Healing From Childhood Trauma”
Register here: https://selar.co/Healingcourse

Episode 10: Your Emotions and Your Parenting Relationship Bites With Wendy Ologe

Guest: Dr Ben Preye Baldwin. To join the Master Your Emotions Challenge: Pay #2,499 instead of #10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040. You can also join online here: https://selar.co/MYEchallenge — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/message
  1. Episode 10: Your Emotions and Your Parenting
  2. Episode 9: Back To School Conversation
  3. Episode 8: The real deal about Parenting Alone.
  4. Episode 7: Fatherhood and Parenting
  5. Episode 6 : My Motherhood Journey with Marybeth Chima