Whenever we talk about sibling Rivalry, people say”Oh no leave them it’s just a stage they will outgrow it!!!
Whatever you allow, will grow! While growing up, I had a very bad case of sibling rivalry in my family. I grew up seeing my father and his siblings fight over things that should never have been an issue.
This was something of concern to me over the years as I sought to know why. Eventually, this became even a generational rivalry, where the second generation also carried on with a “beef” they never understood. My father’s siblings who are now Parents turned their children against each other.
In my research interviewing over 500 parents from different tribes and nations, I found that what I witnessed with my Father and his siblings do was not very strange; just that it came in different dimensions. From this research I realized that people don’t cooperate because they are blood, people cooperate because relationships are built. Whether it is you to your child, or your Child to their siblings, relationships must be built.
Sibling rivalry is simply the ongoing conflict between children raised in the same family. It can happen between blood-related siblings, stepsiblings, and even adopted or foster siblings.
It might take the form of verbal or physical fighting, name-calling, tattling and bickering, being in constant competition for parental attention, voicing feelings of envy etc.
There is no way to stop bickering forever but there are many ways to minimize conflict and maximize solutions and you need to start with small changes.
Sibling Rivalry starts at childhood, Over the years many “scientific” expertise had arisen warning against the early intrusion of jealousy into childhood and advising parents how to curb it. Sibling rivalry became a formal concept, and the responsibility for dealing with it lay in the hands of parents.
Are Parents Solely Responsible?
The answer is NO, however the role parents play in sibling rivalry is very significant that you can put their contribution at more than 80%
Over the years working with thousands of parents I have found this thought to be true in many cases.
OTHER CAUSES OF SIBLING RIVALRY
- Birth order– First and last borns are seen to be shown favouritism over their siblings.
- Gender : Some people show preference to a particular sex or gender especially if that gender was so desired.
- Children with special needs or ailments are understandably given a lot of attention.
- Children who do well in school or are smarter
- Circumstances surrounding the birth: This includes, a child who was waited patiently for,a child born in old age e.g. Jacob loved Joseph because he was a child born at his old age.
HOW TO DEAL WITH SIBLING RIVALRY
- YOU NEED TO TAKE AWAY THE TARGET: Many times parents have made themselves the target of conflict by putting themselves in the center of every sibling rivalry. One of the cardinal principles of resolving sibling rivalry is to never get involved except there is danger which is why we are going to need to teach skills.
- YOU NEED TO TEACH SKILLS: If you are not going to get involved with your Children’s conflict you should have taught them to resolve conflicts on their own. The three cardinal skills needed for children to resolve conflicts on their own are: Communication Skills, Negotiation Skills and Conflict resolution. If your Children will resolve conflicts themselves, you need to do a lot of teaching. Raising a child without skills is one of the worst things you can do to that child.
- YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOUR CHILDREN FAIRLY NOT EQUALLY: You cant treat your Children equally, so there is fairness not equality. Your younger child will have different needs from your older children.
- YOU NEED TO CREATE SIBLING BONDING ACTIVITIES: Teamwork helps children work together , when this happens they will need to learn how to treat each other nicely, negotiate their way through, disagree.
- Create a Conflict resolution plan in your home; Misunderstandings are not abnormal. Teach them to disagree without being aggressive; I have said over and again that aggression is a learnt behavior. I needn’t remind you that when two persons always agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary!
RESOLVING SIBLING RIVALRY; Tools and strategies to deal with sibling Rivalry before it becomes a monster
This is a solution-driven book? A miracle to happen in homes!
To pre-order your copy of the book, RESOLVING SIBLING RIVALRY, pay #3,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.
You can pre-order online here: https://selar.co/Siblingrivalrybook
After Launching on the 5th of December; this book will cost you 4,500 to buy.
The first 100 persons to Preorder will access the Sibling Rivalry course in the Academy Free as we launch it.
If you have read any of my works, then you would reckon that this is another lifeline for parents in the 21st century.