Sometime in June 2019 I was invited to have a session with the teen’s session of a church in Kano, one thing was very profound about the visit for me. The fact that these children were more comfortable talking to me a “total stranger ” than their folks.
In a space of 2 hours, many of them shared their sexual fantasies with me and many wished they could have these conversations with their parents.
The parent should be the first educator of everything sex but unfortunately, many parents have failed on this duty again and again.
The are many reasons why this happens I will share a few out the many I have shared in my upcoming book “The Sex Conversations”.
📌The myth that when you discuss sex with your child, they will be more eager to have sex. Interestingly this is the other way round. It’s been proven that children who are educated on what sex is about especially by their parents make better and healthier sex decisions than the one who was not.
📌Lack of knowledge: Many parents want to but they don’t know how to. One of my favourite quotes :
“Parenting is a learnt skill and never assumed” ~from my book Connect to Connect
Most of what we do is. “assumption parenting”, we must move from here to “Intentional Parenting”. Parenting is never assumed, it must be learnt.
I have said it again and again, This journey is a journey of knowledge, not assumption.
They say assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. Seek knowledge, get it never assume you know what to do.
📌Lack of emotions control: Until you work on your emotions, you will continue to have a difficult walk on this journey.
Have you ever imagined having your teenager come to tell you he just kissed a girl! What will be your first reaction?
You child will test you with information and get to see your reaction, and that will tell if they will share more with you. We have a foster daughter who is now an adult. , because I have been able to work on my emotions, she knows that I will never fret at any information, .so it helps us have these conversations.
The truth is, your lack of emotions control might ruin your chance to create that required connection or even listen in order to correct.
Remember, You can only correct when you have information. We run a course on emotions control every quarter at the Intentional Parent Academy and I have realized many parents ruin their moment for lack of emotional control.
📌 Thinking your children are too young to know about sex.
I often tell parents that having sex conversations with your children starts as soon as they can understand you. There is age-appropriate sex conversation for all age.
Try to ensure you don’t demonize sex!
My Son who is 9+ years is his definition says “liking a girl is good but must be at an appropriate time” .
Don’t demonize sex!
Don’t scare them with sex!
Just have these conversations and make your children comfortable talking about it.
Don’t shame !!
📌Thinking that all you need to raise a chaste child is prayers.
Don’t get me wrong. Prayer is key, but we need to work, we need to teach.
JESUS Intentionally taught his disciples everything about the kingdom, he didn’t just pray.
So while we pray, let’s remember that “people perish for lack of knowledge”.
Let’s teach our children what they need to know Intentionally.
Sex education is an ongoing conversation, not a lecture nor is it a time to prove that you were a better child!! (Aka the infallibility syndrome in parenting lol.. ) It’s a conversation.
We must understand that.
Children do not exercise self-control by nature.
Until they are taught otherwise;
They will say whatever is on their mind, seek to gratify every desire without discrimination, and insist that the world revolves around them.
As soon a child can communicate Sex Education should commence. There is age-appropriate sex education for every age.
The decisions on Sex is a very key part of any person to be based on ignorance. We must begin to talk to your child on how to handle pressure from others to have sex.
To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish him or her for being honest.
You can only help your child if you know what her challenges are.
Before you start having this conversation with your child you must
Connect with your child: The truth is you can’t really have the sex conversations if you don’t connect.
In my best seller Connect to Correct,
I shared several connection tools. For you to connect, you must find out how to, and connection starts from when a child is born.
-Learn your child’s love language: You can be showing love to your child but the child won’t feel loved.
-Learn to communicate effectively with your child. Now, this is the biggest challenge of parenting. COMMUNICATION!!!
How do you Communicate Effectively With your child ?
Connect with them and Try to see things from their perspective.
Create a room for them to come to you with their concerns. …
In all Don’t Demonize Sex, have an ongoing conversation around se
At the upcoming Parents Boot-camp in Abuja, we will be having an open session with parents where we will be sharing some of the things your Teen think about Sex from experience. Etima and I have had the privilege of interacting with thousands of children on this subject from different parts of the nation.
Don’t be told! Send a chat to 08034377085 to book your slot.
Parent Coach & Author