Porn literacy has become a big deal because children have become victims of sexual abuse without being touched. This therefore brings up the question: how do we protect our children from this non-touching form of sexual abuse.
There are different aspects of sex conversation that affect sex that parents are not having because they do not even know about them. One of such aspect is technology, technology can influence sex indirectly and has an effect on the sex conversation or what we are teaching our children.
A child can be abused without being touched and I need you to understand that if the sex education you employ for your children is limited to talking about “private parts and public parts of the body”, that conversation is null and void. You need to STOP NOW and get appropriate knowledge on what to do.
If you must educate your children about sex, then you must educate your children about porn. In today’s world, sex education is porn education. If you are not putting it in your curriculum of sex education, then that sex education is dead. I am already advocating that pornography should be taught as part of sex education in Schools. Porn literacy will help children clearly define pornography terms and begin to look at the problematic issues, violence and question the industry as a whole.
Pornography is a business that will probably never cease to exist, but the way we teach porn literacy to children have to change. I read an article by Steve Warren about porn targeting children through video games “the world of pornography is targeting your children and tightening their grips on children through online gaming and virtual realities. A child can be on your phone playing a game and once there is internet access, he is already a target.
I would like to discuss some of the overwhelming recent statistics on pornography.
25% of search engine request is related to porn
28,000 number of internet users view porn every second
25 million average monthly visitors to adult websites between 2010 and now
43% of online users view pornography material online.
75% of online users who accidentally view pornography online, this accidental view of pornography is where the worry is.
There are 266 new pornography sites added daily, approximately 3,000 child pornography online in English websites.
30% of all the data transferred on the internet is pornography, and it is easily accessible on hundreds and thousands of websites including the huge social media channels like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube amongst others.
Every 7 in 10 children have consciously or unconsciously viewed pornography; this means 70% of children online are viewing porn be it accidentally or deliberately. Only 15% of parents really know and understand what is happening on the online space, who understand how to protect their children.
The difference when comparing the statistics, I discovered when I was researching for my book “Walking your Child Through Puberty” and the recent statistics is quite alarming. So What do we do and how do we protect our children form this non-touching form of sexual abuse?
Remember that pornography is just one of the many types of non-touching sexual abuse. We will be treating the others in the Sex Educate Your Child Like A Pro challenge. I will share a few strategies to use to overcome pornography as I shared in my book “Walking Your Child Through Puberty” and will share more and in detail in the Sex Educate Your Child Like A Pro Challenge.
1. Address Access And Family Rules
I discovered that in many homes, children have access to anything the way they want. They have access to parents’ phones, visitors’ phones etc. if you do not deal with the issue of access, whether you like it or not your children will get into pornography. Most of us are parents who want to wield the cane all the time on our children, yet it is the same children that have unlimited access to everything tech in the house. They have unlimited access to the television, access to your phone and even the phones of visitors. There is no rule guiding the use of technology in the house. I ask myself: why is a toddler having access to the phone of an adult? It is such a norm that the visitors themselves do not mind or are surprised when a toddler does not go for a phone. Do you know what is in the adult’s phone? Do you know how many 7-year-olds and 4-year-old have been introduced to pornography by using their parent’s phone or another adult’s phone (Aunties or Uncles)?
How to address access will be discussed in detailed during the upcoming challenge. Until this issue of access is addressed, your children might never understand sex conversation when you start discussing it later. Everything about sex education starts at the level where the child is born, and any sex education that does not involve you as a parent having tech control is dead.
You need to limit access especially to your toddlers, will they cry, YES. But creating these boundaries is important. When you do not create boundaries and you wait for your child to do something wrong and you bring out a cane, it is already a failed system. Beating your child is a sign that you lack the tools to create boundaries. Boundaries are healthy for children, any child without boundaries will suffer later. Learn how to create structure.
2. Introduce Them To God
Introduction to God is not forcing your children to go to church or place of worship with you. This is good but you need to add teaching your children the ability to understand the true teaching of their religion. Studies have shown that religiosity in the home coupled with ones parenting style is a good measure for eliminating pornography. You can be a religious parent but employing a parenting style that does not encourage connection and relationship will not work. You need to live out the religion to your child, my son once said to my husband and myself “your God is really good to you”.
Your children need to see your God through oyour life. It is okay to talk about the concept of God, but our major problem in parenting is that we do not understand fundamental principles that govern your religion. For those of us who are religious parents (Christians especially) we must understand that principles are key in parenting. If you understand the principles of Jesus, you can do exploits on earth and excel without truly knowing who Jesus is. This is entirely different form the person of Jesus. Therefore, what I mean by introducing them to God is to combine both the person and principle of Jesus so your children can understand who God is. You have to both teach and live the gospel you cannot leave anything out there to chance without proper guidance.
3. Teach Your Children How To Filter Internally
As the world moves further and further away from the principles and guidelines of God, your children need to be able to stand out from the crowd. Teaching your children to stand out is beyond forcing them to do things. I was having a Zoom book review with parents from the inner circle level 2 and we were discussing the book” Conversations You Must Have with Your Son”, We concluded that we do not only need to practice certain principles and teach our children to do likewise, we also need to find out why our children need to do these. I have said before “your biggest win as a parent is to have your children do what is right whether you are there or not”. When you are a cane wielding parent, you child will do what is right only when you are there. You can book a slot to join the inner circle here
How do your children learn to filter what they watch if you do not sit with them and teach them how to filter what they watch? You also have to teach them to take responsibility for what they allow into their mind. There is a saying in my home “you are not a tree” if you do not like what you see, you walk away. The mind is like a garden and whatever you feed it will grow, this includes what your children are seeing, reading, listening to and who they are hanging around. You need to take value-based actions, how you ask? I will teach this in the upcoming challenge, click here to join the challenge.
4. Teach Your Children Healthy Sexuality
The principle of replacement applies in all things applies to pornography; it is not enough to say pornography is bad. You need to teach your children what is good. If you are saying porn is bad, what are you replacing it with. If you tell your toddler to stop doing something, what are you replacing it with? Our parenting is filled with negatives “No”, “Stop” without sharing alternatives on something else that they can do. If you look critically at your parenting journey, you will realize that there is no teaching instead all you are doing is stopping the child from doing what is wrong. You are not interested in teaching what is right. For parenting to work, you need to exalt teaching what is right above teaching or stopping what is wrong.
The truth is that young people are growing in the vacuum of toxic messages with very few positive messages. Instead of the Don’ts, what is the positive we can replace them with? Until you replace your teaching with positives, your children will struggle to do the right thing because you have concentrated on only the negative. You need to ignore toxic messages and begin to infuse your home with positive messages. You are concentrating on the Don’ts because, you do not have sufficient knowledge.
5. Change The Conversation About The Problem
A lot of children get into pornography out of curiosity and the accessibility of technology they have. Pornography as a problem is a big deal, but we need to change the conversation about it. When talking about pornography, you need to look at the Three Triangular approach: Understand the person you are talking about, look at what should be done not just what the problem is.
6. Create A Plan For Your Child
Someone asked me how I was able to get my children to cook by 10 and I just told her, you need to parent with a plan. Between the age of 4 and 5 they started entering the kitchen and by 9 years, I was out of the kitchen. If you do not have a plan in your parenting journey, then you are dead in every angle. An illustration I share with the parents in the inner circle is this: there are two things you consider when you want to build a house; do you want to build a mansion or a shanty? They are both buildings, but a shanty does not require any planning, but a mansion requires professional planning. So, parenting without a plan can be likened to building a shanty and parenting with a plan can be likened to building a mansion.
It is important to recognize that when we have failed to address things like pornography in the home, we teach our children not to come to us when they encounter it. The fear of getting beaten, fear of disappointing parents and lack of vocabulary to describe what they see online, and lack of understanding are some of the reasons children never discussed their encounter of pornography with their parents. On the other hand, when you create a plan and system it helps your children when they encounter porn. In this day and age, your children will encounter pornography, you must have a porn plan even before that happens. You need to create systems and structures that work because they will help your children thrive. You cannot create a plan without the appropriate knowledge, else what will the plan be based on? You need to include things like what your child should do when they encounter porn, this plan includes children as young as 3 years (that is exactly when to start). Porn conversation with our children is important because social media is a sexualized environment, there is a high interest in sex during puberty, views about sex and porn is on the negative (you need to teach on the positives). There is also sexual up objectification and pornography can influence this largely.
UNICEF says any efforts to block children from accessing pornography online might infringe on their human rights. UNICEF bases this claim on an expansive interpretation of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights.
UNICEF also claims that asking for age-verification to access pornography online may deny children access to what it calls “vital sexuality education.” It should be noted that critics charge “comprehensive sexuality education” is pornographic and harmful to children.
Read here: https://t.co/1YeSEqRAnd
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